


No More Pretending

by TheSnakeWhisperer (orphan_account)



Series: Connor and his No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Day [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ??. mabye??, Amanda can eat shit and die, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is In Denial About Deviancy, Connor Deserves Happiness, Gen, Good Parent Hank Anderson, Hurt Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Idelation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/TheSnakeWhisperer
Summary: “Amanda wouldn’t be able to control him at a moment's notice. Pull him into the garden as she kills people who just want freedom. Innocent people who deserve their freedom. Not like him.>>STRESS LEVELS: ^96%PLEASE LOWER STRESS INTO ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE.The thought of Amanda alone seems to increase his stress levels dramatically. Go figure.”...(Or, Connor takes a walk, reminisces on old memories he’d rather forget, and deals with the consequences.)
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor
Series: Connor and his No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Day [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749661
Comments: 12
Kudos: 192





	No More Pretending

Connor can pretend that snow doesn’t bother him.

That the cold doesn’t seep into his biocomponents. That he doesn’t feel as if he’s freezing from the inside-out.

He can pretend the neighbor’s new flowers don’t bother him. 

That the rosey scent he shouldn’t be able to smell doesn’t linger. That every time he sees that vivid red color, he knows she’s watching. That he can’t hear her voice, cutting through the silence of the garden.

That he doesn’t dread her inevitable return.

That he can pretend he’s any good at pretending.

* * *

The walk takes exactly 12.4 minutes longer than usual. 

Hank seems to be watching something on TV in the living room. His feet kicked up on the coffee table, not saying anything about Connor’s return. Surprisingly, he hasn’t gotten anything to drink either. (After the revolution two months ago, Hank started to significantly cut back on his alcohol consumption, much to Connor’s delight. Even so, he would usually get a beer or so if he was alone.)

_..Oh._

Hank is asleep.

That makes sense.

After Connor takes off Sumo’s leash, he makes his way back to the couch. He really should wake the older man. Tell him to go sleep in his bed, that sleeping in that position on the couch will make him sore in the morning, but he just… couldn’t.

_(Why would he, after all? He’s defective. Broken. Too robotic for the newly-freed deviants, too emotional for a cold-hearted machine. He isn’t like the rest of them. He doesn’t deserve to be free. Amanda was right._

_Amanda is always right.)_

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^36% _

The android curls into himself more, suddenly feeling cold. _(Machines shouldn’t get cold.)_ He never changed did he? If he was truly a deviant, he wouldn’t have these problems. He would actually feel, truly be free. He wouldn’t think twice about her. Wouldn’t think of how he betrayed _her_.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^39% _

How he can’t get her out of his head.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^43% _

His eyes fill with more tears. _(When did he start crying?)_

He just can’t do this anymore. Can’t pretend he’s _normal_ . He’s a _failure_ . A _disappointment_. He should just disappear. It would be better for everyone wouldn’t it? No more Amanda, no more guilt, no more haunting memories of the pain he inflected. No more memories of Jericho bursting into flames. Of leading the FBI right to a camp of people who just want to be free. Hank would probably be glad to have his couch back. Grateful to not have to deal with his constant nagging.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^87% _

He ignores how his stress levels start reaching dangerous percentages. In fact, the sooner it gets to 100%, the better. He could just stop thinking of his faliures and, _(as Hank would probably say)_ , various fuck-ups. He wouldn’t need to worry about her. Worry about being a danger to Hank, a danger to Markus, a danger to anyone really.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^90% _

_PLEASE LOWER STRESS INTO ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

Amanda wouldn’t be able to control him at a moment's notice. Pull him into the garden as she kills people who just want freedom. Innocent people who _deserve_ their freedom. Not like him.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^96% _

_PLEASE LOWER STRESS INTO ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

The thought of Amanda alone seems to increase his stress levels dramatically. Go figure.

He brings a shaky hand to his face, _(He should really stop pretending by now, what’s the point of appearing human if he’s about to die?)_ , muffing his choked sobs. _(It’s illogical, is what it is. A waste of optical cleaning fluid.)_

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^98% _

_PLEASE LOWER STRESS INTO ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

_“Oh Connor….”_

He starts clawing at the sides of his face. He wants her to get _out get out get out_ . Please Amanda stop oh god it’s so _cold-_

_“What was planned from the very beginning…”_

His hands move of their own accord and start doing much of the same to his arms. _The roses are everywhere;_ he can’t escape, and _she's taking control again._ She won’t let him _go._ She’s going to hurt everyone- he’s dangerous he can’t move to bash his head in when are his stress levels going to finally reach 100% he wants it all to stop-

_“I'm afraid I can, Connor…”_

Sumo, waking up from the commotion, sees the trembling android. When he smells the telltale scent of fresh thirum, the dog paws worryingly at Connor’s knees and whimpers.

_ >>THURIM BANKS: \/ 89% FULL _

_PLEASE REPLENISH THIRUM SUPPLY OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

Connor doesn’t have the heart (or energy anymore, really) to push him off, so he lets the dog continue.

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: ^99% _

_PLEASE LOWER STRESS INTO ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS OR CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

Sumo, realizing it’s not working, goes to wake the other occupant of the couch. 

And so, the now suddenly determined dog jumps and drops all 170 pounds of fluff on the older man.

“Sumo! What th’ hell’s gotten into you??!?”

This is bad. 

He didn’t want the man he practically considered the closest to a father he has to see him like this. But then again, he was perfectly willing to shutdown right next to him moments before. He can’t do it now, he decides. He should’ve found somewhere Hank wouldn’t see him. Mabye that bridge even.

Oh well, not like he could stop his stress from rising more. 

Not like he’ll have a choice soon.

Just like the garden.

“Connor, you good over there?” Hank says as he turns his head to survey the android, expression suddenly sobering as he noticed the fresh blue of thirum and the blaring red of his led. “Connor!”

Hank takes in the sight of his kid covered in his own blood, expression contorted with an all too familiar glaze in his eyes. He’s seen it before, on the faces of victims of violent crimes, but to see it on his own son’s face? Especially when you consider he’s barely a few months old by now?

It’s terrifying.

Not to mention the literal blood coming out of his face and arms.

“Son what happened?” Nothing. “Please kid, talk to me!”

_ >>STRESS LEVELS: 100% _

_PLEASE CONTACT A CYBERLIFE REPRESENTATIVE._

Connor instantly pushed Hank away. Before he could even register what was happening, Connor flung himself from the couch to the floor behind, before starting to bash his head in.

_“SHIT!”_

Hank scrambles over to Connor as the younger android tries to self-destruct, and practically collapses next to him.

He curses as he manages to hold back Connor’s head, cradling him while dragging the kid halfway on his knees, but not before he gets two good bashes in. The older man grabs Connor’s hands as they move to his thirum pump, while keeping his other hand on his head. He starts rocking back and forth, like one would do for a little kid having a nightmare. Like he’s done before. He buries the memories before they have a chance to resurface. _No, he can’t think about that right now. Connor needs him._

They spend the next half hour like that, Hank holding Connor, rocking him back and forth as he whispers reassurances.

Eventually, Connor started calming down. Hank didn’t know if it was because of his lack of thirum or energy, but either way, he was alive, and that’s all that mattered, really.

They should really bandage those nasty-looking wounds on the kid’s arms and face.

Hank lets out a soft curse as he takes in Connor’s state. 

His curly chestnut hair matted with thirum, brown puppy eyes screwed shut. The amount of scratches littered on the boys arms, face, and hands. There were places the damage was so severe, his synthetic skin retracted, leaving the white sheen of the plastimetal underneath out in the open for all to see. 

Connors hand twitched.

“Connor?” Hank asked tentatively, “You with me son?”

Said android slowly opens his eyes, looking around in a daze. He ends by looking back at Hank, before tearing up again,

_“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sor-“_ Connor starts, before Hank interrupts.

“It’s ok kid, I got you, you’re ok.”

Hank pulls him into a hug as Connor cries silently. 

“Just let it all out, son. You’re gonna be ok, I’ll make sure of it.”

For once, he can’t hear her silky voice reverb through the garden. See her staring at him, watching, waiting for the right moment to strike. He doesn’t feel the biting cold of the snow or the fresh smell of the roses.

Amanda isn’t there. 

He doesn’t need to pretend. He’s safe, he realizes, sinking into the warm embrace, And for the first time since Amanda forced him into the garden, he let himself relax.

“You’re ok…”

And Connor closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> 3am lets goo


End file.
